Phone cojones

I was watching a rerun of Two and a Half Men the other night, the one where Alan Harper's ex-wife is getting remarried, and it stuck with me. Alan is on the phone with Judith listening to her usual crazy demands, when he man's up and tells her what he thinks. When he hangs up he says to Berta, the house-keeper, "Oh boy, I'm going to pay for that." Berta responds back with "You know what your problem is? Phone cojones." After a little banter about what that means, Alan says "Good to have a name for it."

I'm glad there's a name for it too, as it makes it easier for me to talk about it!

So what is it exactly? It's basically when you say things on the phone that you would never say to a person's face, either words or sentiment by way of tone and expression. It's easy to stand behind a phone and deliver bad news or tell someone off because you can hang up and walk away from it. You don't have to witness the facial expressions - the red faces, the tears, the crossed arms, the steely eyes. You don't have the awkwardness of being in close proximity after the conversation and trying to act cool. It's almost as if it didn't happen!

Oh... but it did. And because you didn't have the physical guard rails to keep you in your lane, you threw it into the gutter big time. You put up a big zero with those on the receiving end, and now that is how they perceive you, as a big zero.

Sure you can apologize and try to make nice after words if you screwed up, but you can never turn back the clock. You can never suck that moment back in. It's out there forever. The zero stays on the record books, and while you may throw strikes from here on, that zero will always weigh down your average and you will always be fighting against it.

We've all done it. Heck, I think I did it this week. I'm not proud of it. Sometimes those buttons get pushed so hard that it's almost a protective instinct. But you won't feel good afterwards. And the receiving end won't either. It's a no-win situation.

This becomes an even bigger problem when you work remotely. When 100% of your interactions are virtual, the opportunity to throw a gutter ball increases. It is important to remind yourself of something: You, and only you, control your reaction to a situation.

During each virtual interaction (email, phone, video, etc.) ask yourself these important questions:
- Would I respond like this if we were in a room together?
- Is this the lasting impression I want to leave with this person?

If the answer to either of these is "No", then you need to reset your course. Restack the pins, bowl again, and keep it in the lane. It doesn't always have to be a strike, but stay out of the gutter. You are the only one rolling that ball - You control where it goes.

With phone cojones, your balls end up in the gutter.