Managing Grief from a Distance

Grief is a deep sorrow, a poignant distress, a cause of suffering typically following a loss. That loss can take many forms, from losing a loved one or a friend, a furbaby, your job, your health, your security, etc. That loss can be physical, such as death, or more cerebral such as a falling out or distance from a move. 

Just like there are multiple, real types of grief, there are multiple ways to cope with grief. Typically these center around denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. There is no right or wrong way to proceed through those emotions, no length of time, and no order. The journey is personal.

While every person’s experience and path is unique to them, that does not mean they should be alone.

Working remotely poses unique challenges when managing grief, both your own and supporting those around you. It is often harder to read the situation as you cannot visually experience some of the signs, and your exposure to one another is limited. It is even harder still to determine a course of action. How can you help or be helped from a different city, state, or time zone?

First, do not let fears of saying or doing the wrong thing (especially from a distance) keep you from reaching out. People appreciate that you are there. While I personally would love a hug, just knowing there are people around that care enough to check in or send a card means the world to me. In times of grief, we often reach out for grounding. The people we know and love help us connect back to that white, healing light of the world. When possible, try to reach out via phone or physical card, as the added sensory experience of sound and touch help cement us back to earth.

When reaching out to someone, remember that it’s about them, not you. Just listen. Be ok with silence and the sounds of tears. Be genuine. Ask how you can help. And ask if someone wants to hear about your similar experience or your recommendations. You may have a lot to offer, but the person may not be in a place to hear that information. And never begin a statement with “you should” or “you will” – you should soften any guidance, such as “you might try”.

For someone going through the grieving process remotely, don’t let the remote distance suffocate you. It is easy to sink into our own space and let grief consume us. Start by letting someone, anyone, know how you are feeling. This could be a friend, family member, or external resource such as a therapist. Grief is difficult to go through alone, but no one will know to try to help unless you provide a window into your world. You can be as public or private as you personally prefer, but do share with someone.

There are multiple ways to express your grief from a distance. You can journal privately or blog publicly to express your feelings. Be creative through art, poetic memoirs, personalized playlists, scrapbooking, or other projects that you can again share with others or keep to yourself. More public expressions include memorial sites where you can collect messages, pictures, and memories from others. It can be cathartic knowing others are going through their own related journey alongside you. Many of these thoughts might even bring a smile or a laugh as you learn something new or recall a fun moment.

There are plenty of resources available for managing grief, and I encourage anyone managing anything they consider to be 'grief' to look into these options. My intent is not to try to cover this immense topic in such a short blog, nor would I ever be able to. My goal in this particular writing is simply to remind everyone that we’re a community that grieves together and moves forward together. It’s our connectedness to each other and our life's work that cause us to mourn, and it’s the same that will help us mend. Despite our distance, we can be creative in how we care for our network from any distance.

To all those currently grieving, to whatever extent, over whatever loss you have suffered, I send you healing vibrations and love. 💞