Don't Fade Away

We've all had those work relationships where your coworkers become your best friends and family. Heck, you often see them more than your other friends and family! You talk everyday about what is going on in each other's lives, you eat lunch together, you celebrate life's big moments, you create inside jokes, and often you choose to hang out after hours as a result. These coworkers aren't just people you work with, they are your people. Or, so you think...

When you change jobs, do these relationships stick? Are they ever the same? Usually you exchange email addresses and may friend each other on Facebook and promise to stay in touch. You may even do so for a while. But there's something different. And, over time, that person who you considered near and dear is all but a memory. You didn't want to cut them out. You didn't actively do anything to "break up" with them. So what happened?

Most work relationships are formed out of convenience. Because you are sitting next to someone every day, it's easy to talk to them, see their photos, notice changes in their appearance, and share in casual downtime moments. You didn't have to work for it. And the minute you, or they, did - well, that's just too much effort! You transitioned from convenient to conscious.

This same thing happens to relationships when you move from an in-office worker to an at-home worker. (It's even harder when you never started in the office and are building off nothing!) Your relationship with your coworkers and even your leaders was often convenient. Staff meetings were in person. Lunches were physical gatherings. Pictures were real photos hanging on your cube wall. Hugs and handshakes were shared. Your relationship had tangible components within an arms reach and mindless recognition.

Now that you are at home, each of these interactions is harder. You may feel like you are losing touch, and the people you thought were your closest friends are now out of sight, out of mind. How do you keep your relationships from dwindling away and becoming just another memory? There are two primary components to keeping what you had (or starting something new): Convenience and Effort.

We have already established that many of these relationships formed out of convenience in the first place. It stands to reason that keeping them alive must also be convenient. It is important to create an environment where relationships are welcome and come naturally. Some ideas:

• Call instead of email. Your voice, tone, inflection, accent, etc. share information about you with others and establish a human connection.
• Use your video camera. Take it up a notch and add real video chat instead of just a phone call. Software and hardware that are easy to use and readily available are the keys to making this as natural as traditional face-to-face conversations.
• Allow time in your meetings for chatter. Start your meeting with casual conversation, catching up or getting to know those on the line. You already have people on the phone, which makes it truly convenient to interact and reestablish those relationships.
• Utilize social networking applications, and mobile ones where available. These are already second nature to most people, so using these tools is meeting people where they are already engaging.
• Employ other modern communication techniques such as instant message and text. These are quick and easy, and another solution already common practice in personal communications.

Let's face it. No matter how convenient you make it, there will still be effort involved. It's just not the same casual convenience you had before. Both parties must have a desire to keep (or build) the relationship. A fire will die out if not tended.

With a little bit of effort and convenient communal areas, you can keep your relationships just as strong as they were when you previously sat next to your coworker. You may even find that your relationship is deeper and more meaningful as a result of intentional interaction as opposed to convenient conversions.

The imaginary tether

Imagine, if you will, that you work in a traditional office space. If you need to refill your water or coffee, you do so when you can without worry. If you need to take a nature break, you get up and go. If you want to walk to someone's office to take a break, clear your hear, or just engage in some social interaction, it's no big deal. You may even have to physically attend a meeting which may take you away from your desk for hours. These things are all normal behaviors we expect to see. The result of which is that you are not available when someone sends an instant message, calls your desk, emails, or drops by. And that is perfectly understood.

Now, imagine you work at home.

There is a perception that exists on both sides of the communication from home that is a nasty double standard. If someone is trying to reach an at-home worker and they aren't immediately available, the perception is that they are not working. The person trying to connect may think this and feel that at-home workers are slackers, never at their desks, kicking back in their jammies while watching trash TV and eating bon-bons. Obviously this isn't true.

The flip side is that the at-home worker feels like this is what people will think and therefore creates an unrealistic expectation for themselves that they can never leave their desk. They don't want to give outsiders any possible reason to think they aren't working their tail off. The at-home worker then feels guilty and nervous even to go to the restroom. "What if someone calls and I'm not there?" This results in less adequate breaks and a mental meltdown.

It's an unfair stigma. But this cycle will only change if you actively seek to change it. For starters, at-home workers do themselves a disservice by bowing down to the stereotype. Take a stand! Seriously, stand up, and walk away. It's OK. You have legal rights to breaks. You also have human rights and the in-office precedent. If you would have taken the same break in the office, then you shouldn't stop now.

For folks that aren't at home, you need a reality check. First, you are discriminating against coworkers, which is an ethical problem. You should not set double standards. You need to have other measures in place (see my previous article) that can help you determine if a person is productive, and that should apply both at home and in the office. You need to trust your people. When they feel respected, you will get more from them. And frankly, their breaks are going to be no where near as frequent or as lengthy as those in the office just due to proximity of amenities and lack of distraction.

Lastly, for the at-home worker that does get questioned about where they were: Just answer. Be honest. Personally, I'm AFK multiple times a day because I take calls from my treadmill. If someone asks, that's exactly what I'll tell them. No different than a walkstation at the office. Maybe if they hear the honest truth enough, they will start to get over it.

The fact that at-home workers feel tethered to their desk is often times a delusion that is self-inflicted. The best cure is to cut that cord physically, so that you can start to do so mentally.